Coping and emotions
Managing emotions, switching tasks and coping with daily life.
Managing emotions, switching tasks and coping with daily life.
Coping is how a child manages the demands of everyday life. Every child copes in their own way. Some things that are easier for other children may be harder for your child. It can change from day to day, and as they develop and grow. Coping includes dealing with things that are difficult or new.
This can be:
Some neurodivergent children experience the world differently. This can also mean their coping can look different from what people expect. This can show just how much a child is dealing with that we can’t see. For example, one child may be able to cope with a noisy classroom, whilst another can find it unbearable.
It is often said that behaviour is communication. If a child is distressed and not coping, there is usually a reason. There are links on this page to other organisations that can help you support your child’s coping.
It also helps to remember that the world is mostly built for people who think and learn in typical ways. So for children who process things differently, the world can be more stressful, and have more barriers. This idea is called the social model of disability: the problem is the barrier, not the child.
In the examples below, a child might be blamed for not coping. But really it’s the environment that needs to change:
The environment is not just physical things like buildings or noise. People are part of a child’s environment too. How families, teachers and professionals understand a child affects how easy or hard it is for that child to cope. A child copes more easily in a world that understands them.
So coping is not only shaped by the building or the noise around a child. It is also shaped by how well the people around them understand what they are managing.
Executive function is a group of thinking skills that help with planning, organising and managing tasks.
Sometimes, people with ADHD, autism, and other neurodevelopmental conditions experience difficulties with executive function.
A child with executive function difficulties may:
Children who find it hard to speak, or who don’t speak, can’t always express their needs as easily. Alternative communication can help, such as sign language, typing or pictures.
Communication works both ways, so it also helps when the people around a child communicate in ways that the child can understand.
Coping and regulation can look different when communication is harder. When a child can’t easily tell others what they need, the world can feel more stressful. That stress is part of what they are managing.
Demand avoidance is a pattern of avoiding everyday demands and expectations. It can sometimes be called PDA (pathological demand avoidance or pervasive drive for autonomy).
PDA can be linked to anxiety. It is associated with autism in some children. Research, debate and understanding in this area is ongoing. A child may:
Anxiety can be more common in neurodivergent children. A child with anxiety may:
Moving from one activity to another can be difficult for some children. When children concentrate deeply or prefer the next activity less, they might find it particularly hard to switch activities.
A child may need more time to prepare. It may also help to have a routine and fewer unexpected changes. A child who finds transitions hard might:
For a child who connects differently, trust and a safe environment are particularly important. Children with neurodevelopmental differences need a safe environment. This includes the physical spaces, the adults, friends and technology they use.
National Autistic Society PDF leaflet on safeguarding and autism
Managing big feelings like frustration, excitement or worry is a skill that develops. For many neurodivergent children, it develops differently or more slowly, so strong feelings can be harder to settle. A supportive environment can help manage these feelings over time.
A child with neurodevelopmental differences may face more stressors than others.
Just navigating daily life has extra challenges. For example, if you cannot communicate your needs, then most of us would probably feel bigger emotions.
Some children may have behaviour that causes distress to themselves or others. There may be reasons for this that they cannot communicate. So the behaviour itself can be communication.
Behaviour can also build over time. Knowing how to recognise what distress or stressful reactions look like in your child can help to address issues earlier.
The Brain Charity – page on understanding behaviour as communication
Some children say the same sound, word, or phrase again and again. This can serve a purpose for the child and may be enjoyable and regulating.
Repetitive speech can also be a way of stimming.
Stimming is short for ‘self-stimulating behaviour’. Stimming or ‘stims’ are movements or speech that the child likes to do.
Hand-flapping is among the most common. We don’t know why some people stim more than others. People who stim often say this provides comfort and helps regulate them.
It can help with sensory input, staying calm and expressing joy.
Sometimes stimming can be a sign of distress, or can lead to self-injury. The links below go into more detail about stimming.
It can be uncomfortable and frustrating for a child to stop stimming.
National Autistic Society page on stimming and repetitive movement
Ambitious About Autism website page on repetitive behaviour and stimming
Example Aisha:
Aisha is autistic and has a learning disability. She finds everyday changes and demands very stressful, and her anxiety can build quickly. When she becomes overwhelmed she may have a meltdown, or go quiet and withdraw. Aisha has limited speech, so she can’t always tell people what’s wrong. Her behaviour is often the only way she has to show that something is too much.
She copes best with a calm, predictable routine and people who know her well. When she feels safe and understood, the hard moments happen less often.
Aisha has a wonderful memory for songs, and lights up whenever there’s music.
Note: We create our examples to illustrate common experiences and they do not represent actual children.
For some children with neurodevelopmental differences, coping looks different from others. Here are some things that a child with different coping may experience. Not every child will experience these, and every child is different.
A shutdown can be a response to being overwhelmed, or a distressing experience. During a shutdown, a child may:
A meltdown is an intense response, it can also be from being overwhelmed. Or it may be another reason. During a meltdown, a child may:
Some children can find some senses overwhelming. If there are too many this can lead to sensory overload and result in distress. Alternatively, sensory input could be important to help regulate emotions for some children. So at other times, sensory input such as movement breaks may help with coping. See our senses information page.
Children may experience distress if they do not feel understood. They may also experience environments where they do not feel safe emotionally or where their needs are not being met. Children cope best when they feel safe, understood, and supported by calm adults. Predictability, patience and being understood can lower the load.
Families told us emotional regulation and coping were important issues for their children with neurodevelopmental needs (Growing Different Parent Survey 2024).
9 out of 10
parents in our survey said emotional regulation or coping skills were issues for their children
(336 out of 360 responses or 93%)
1 in 2
families reported that their child avoided ordinary demands
(190 out of 360 responses or 52%)
Growing Different Parent Survey 2024 – notes and limitations
394 families of neurodivergent children took part in our online survey. Most children were autistic (about 8 in 10). People chose to take part, so the figures show their experiences, not all children. We did not compare them with any other group, so they can’t show how common something is or what causes it. Some questions had more responses than others.
Please credit ‘Growing Different Parent Survey 2024‘ and read more in our survey insights page
If you are worried about your child’s ability to cope, speak to your doctor or health professional. A link is not an endorsement. We are not responsible for the content of external links.
Clear words and pictures – for children and adults with learning disabilities
Connecting I Coping I Daily living I Diagnosis I Environment I Health I Learning I Senses I Speech I Strengths
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Information created: June 2026 I Next review: June 2029
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